I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize