My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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