I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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