somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize