he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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