My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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