Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize