Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize