You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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