i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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