She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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