Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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