Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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