I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize