I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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