I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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