guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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