You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize