I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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