Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize