Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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