i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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