Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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