I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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