my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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