I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize