you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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