Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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