im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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