i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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