I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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