bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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