I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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