$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize