Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize