help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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