mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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