i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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