He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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