Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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