I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We got so high we made milksteak
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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