i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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