I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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