you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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