I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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