So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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