I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize