you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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