when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize