I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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